Tips On How To Resolve Conflicts Effectively, Part Five – June 20, 2010
by Joe Salama
Never act on impulse. A genuine misunderstanding can easily explode into an unnecessary but very real conflict based on acting without first thinking things through. We have been gifted with the ability to reason, to focus, to even completely shut out what is happening around us in extraordinary circumstances. Let us proceed without regret.
People often do not want to mediate a dispute because they do not want to sit down at a table with the other side. Whether it is fear of confrontation, inability to tolerate to other side, or a denial of the issues altogether, the bottom line is that the problem will not go away by itself. Unless you are willing to live with the dispute, or lose it, you need to create a plan to make it go away.
The vast majority of situations in life are not zero sum games, we can typically be made better by collaborating on solutions. When it comes to compassion and kindness, this is even more so, because simply participating in the game - just being compassionate - makes you happier too, regardless of whether the other person appreciates it.
We are often forced to maintain strained relationships that we are bound to. One example is having a difficult boss, but no other job opportunities. In any ongoing relationship you are in, it is never too late to change the tone of it and even surprise the other side. Shake it up for the better. If it fails, you are no worse off for having tried. But if you are successful, that's one less conflict in your life.
The lifecycle of a conflict typically falls into one of two patterns: either it slowly builds until a large confrontation happens, or it starts immediately with a large confrontation. In either case, it escalates rapidly from that point forward - and with every passing second, the chances of settlement decrease. If you want the conflict to stop, NOW is the best time to try to make it go away.
Many conflicts occur because of poor communication. Many of us rely on electronic communications for a lot our interactions - emails, texts, and chats - and extra care must be taken to actually speak to someone to try to understand their position before getting so ingrained in your point of view that you lose perspective. Often what seems like a huge disaster will end up being a simple misunderstanding.
© 2010 Mediation with Joe Salama
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